With 10 days, 7 hours, and 15 minutes until Cam's arrival, I am laying here on my couch (because I can no longer sleep in a bed) thinking things over. Right now my thoughts are looking into the near future and something has me a little, well, worried. This "worry" began ohhh, about two days ago when I served as a substitute teacher for second graders for the first time. So void, something for you...
While substitute teaching I noticed this really annoying "habit" that 6th graders and under have. They tattle. Well, each class will have two or three kids who think it is their "duty" to point out everything their classmates are doing instead of working on their assignments. Don't get me wrong, as a sub, its nice to have students who you know will tell you the truth about how the teacher does things, but only to a certain extent. Because you see, tattling is something all kids do, but generally around 5th-6th grade, it seems to stop. The 6th grade issue is that they begin to have the rebellious attitude with the exception of the two or three kids who still think its their business to tattle on everyone. This is annoying because when subbing in a 6th grade class room, you end spending a good 65% of your day dealing with one kid tattling on another out loud so that the kid misbehaving discreetly in the back of the class knows they are being ratted out. Well, of course they then jump all over the aforementioned rat. So now you have a full-forced argument instead of one kid quietly passing notes in the back of the class. Is it wrong that I usually find that my sympathies are with the kid being told on?
Then I go to second grade where everyone tells on everyone else! I wanted to scream. At all times I had a least 3 kids standing way too close for comfort telling on another kid. Are you serious? Did I do that as a kid? Is this necessary? Am I going to be dealing with this between Kyden and Cameron? I am going to pull my hair out. I don't remember telling on my siblings or anyone else as a kid. Not unless they were doing something really bad or really dangerous.
In fact, almost every fight or crashing noise in our house was immediately followed by the "I won't tell on you if you won't tell on me" pact. My poor parents never figured out who did anything. Things in our house just strangely broke or went missing. Suddenly my brother or I had a black eye or a strange bruise. How did you get the cut again? So you tripped on a rock and fell in the lake? Yeah, sister is tied up in the cupboard, but we don't know how she got there. Strangely enough, she doesn't remember either. Weird... She thinks maybe she tripped over the rope and then got caught it in. Of course that doesn't explain how duct tape got over her mouth or how she ended up in the cabinet or how the cabinet door shut with a rubber band holding the doors together from the OUTSIDE. Maybe our house was haunted. The ghost liked to tie of children and eat their Halloween candy in front of them. Somehow, it felt better when we all went down together in flames. How did we get there? I mean I can remember being in 2nd grade and making this pact. Is it wrong that I hope Ky and Cam are that way? I am sure that will make for very frustrating days for me, but at least they won't be selling each other out. I would rather be a detective than the complaint department.
I think I am returning to the previous idea of the MMA cage in our back yard. When they attempt to tattle on each other, send 'em outside with boxing gloves. This idea really is gaining merit.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Gorillas in labor and delivery
All pregnant women have found themselves victims of Crimes against Pregnancy. While you may not have known about this particular title, you know exactly what I am talking about. Pregnancy changes alot of things. You expect wild mood swings, weight gain, morning sickness, strange cravings, and what feels like a wild animal dancing in your stomach because these side effects are well documented. However, you soon learn that there are several things you weren't warned about.
No one told you that for the next nine months strange people would walk up to you, touch your belly, and say horrible words like "placenta," "episiodemy," "cervix," and, my personal favorite, "vagina." Words that you have gone your entire life without hearing in regular conversation are suddenly everywhere you turn. Not to mention all those strange hands touching your stomach. Why does a baby belly suddenly mean that all rules of polite society no longer apply? Once, when a stranger put her hand on my stomach I put mine on hers. She got very offended. Why? Did she not just do that to me? It only seemed fair. These, however, are not the worst of the crimes against pregnancy. The worst are committed by, brace yourself, women who have themselves been pregnant.
What is their crime you ask? They are the teller of horror stories. The authors of all nightmares I have during pregnancy. The reason why I hesitate when asked which hospital I am having my child at. Why? Because it doesn't matter which hospital I say, they always know someone who's epidural wore off in the middle of their C-Section, someone who died during childbirth, or someone who was forced to give birth in a janitorial closet. They can tell you everything that could possibly go wrong during child birth and every nightmarish thing that could happen after you bring baby home. They are why the world Colic will forever strike fear into my heart. They are sure that your child birth experience is going to be terrible and once you get home, you are going to fall apart due to lack of sleep. The negativity is stunning. Like I don't have enough to worry about without this too. Please ladies, BACK OFF. Is this hazing? Part of my initiation into the world of mommy hood? There are certain women who I hide when I see coming because that's all we are allowed to talk about when I am pregnant. How my life is going to come crashing down around me. When Kyden turned out to be incredible easy and amazing they said "Well don't have another one, they'll be just the opposite." Now that I am pregnant again, you should hear the stories they enjoy telling. My blood is boiling just typing this. So clearly you see this is a sore spot for me.
I just found out that I unintentionally committed this crime. :( Let me explain. 2 days after I had Kyden a friend asked me about my C-section. I was trying to decide how to describe it and I decided to use the description given to me during the surgery by the Dr. This friend is very tough and all about natural child birth. She had her child completely natural (no pain meds) 2 hours after I had Ky. I never thought she would ever have a C-Section. I told her it really wasn't bad, but that there was alot of pressure. She asked how much. I remembered my Doc saying it would feel like a 300 lb gorilla jumping on your torso so I stuck with that. But, I said again, not really bad though because it doesn't hurt. Well, fast forward 15 months later and my friend has just learned that due to complications she will be having her next child by C-section the next month. I assured her that it would be easier than natural child birth and not a big deal at all. I forgot about the gorilla comment a year earlier. She didn't.
Yesterday we were talking about her experience and she said it wasn't at all like you described it. She said "I was lying on operating table looking at my Dr. (who was a tiny little woman) and wondering how she was going to make it feel like a 300 lb gorilla was jumping on me." I felt about the size of a fly. What? Thanks to me, my friend spent her entire C-Section waiting for a giant gorilla to jump out of a closet somewhere and jump on her!! Mentally, funny. I have always wanted to see a gorilla in scrubs. However, a gorilla in scrubs jumping on my stomach, not so much fun.
I felt horrible. Suddenly, I hate myself. She forgives me. But still, I did the one thing that makes me the most angry. So now I don't complain when I fall prey to crimes against pregnancy, because I am just paying for my crime. However, I am now resolved to never say anything negative about child birth, unless it makes someone laugh.
By the way, in regards to a C-Section.... That is what I am having this time too, because they really aren't a big deal. There is no pain, there is pressure, but not bad. NOTHING TO FEAR!! Don't let all the horror stories scare you. There are no 300lb gorillas lurking in labor and delivery surgical rooms.
No one told you that for the next nine months strange people would walk up to you, touch your belly, and say horrible words like "placenta," "episiodemy," "cervix," and, my personal favorite, "vagina." Words that you have gone your entire life without hearing in regular conversation are suddenly everywhere you turn. Not to mention all those strange hands touching your stomach. Why does a baby belly suddenly mean that all rules of polite society no longer apply? Once, when a stranger put her hand on my stomach I put mine on hers. She got very offended. Why? Did she not just do that to me? It only seemed fair. These, however, are not the worst of the crimes against pregnancy. The worst are committed by, brace yourself, women who have themselves been pregnant.
What is their crime you ask? They are the teller of horror stories. The authors of all nightmares I have during pregnancy. The reason why I hesitate when asked which hospital I am having my child at. Why? Because it doesn't matter which hospital I say, they always know someone who's epidural wore off in the middle of their C-Section, someone who died during childbirth, or someone who was forced to give birth in a janitorial closet. They can tell you everything that could possibly go wrong during child birth and every nightmarish thing that could happen after you bring baby home. They are why the world Colic will forever strike fear into my heart. They are sure that your child birth experience is going to be terrible and once you get home, you are going to fall apart due to lack of sleep. The negativity is stunning. Like I don't have enough to worry about without this too. Please ladies, BACK OFF. Is this hazing? Part of my initiation into the world of mommy hood? There are certain women who I hide when I see coming because that's all we are allowed to talk about when I am pregnant. How my life is going to come crashing down around me. When Kyden turned out to be incredible easy and amazing they said "Well don't have another one, they'll be just the opposite." Now that I am pregnant again, you should hear the stories they enjoy telling. My blood is boiling just typing this. So clearly you see this is a sore spot for me.
I just found out that I unintentionally committed this crime. :( Let me explain. 2 days after I had Kyden a friend asked me about my C-section. I was trying to decide how to describe it and I decided to use the description given to me during the surgery by the Dr. This friend is very tough and all about natural child birth. She had her child completely natural (no pain meds) 2 hours after I had Ky. I never thought she would ever have a C-Section. I told her it really wasn't bad, but that there was alot of pressure. She asked how much. I remembered my Doc saying it would feel like a 300 lb gorilla jumping on your torso so I stuck with that. But, I said again, not really bad though because it doesn't hurt. Well, fast forward 15 months later and my friend has just learned that due to complications she will be having her next child by C-section the next month. I assured her that it would be easier than natural child birth and not a big deal at all. I forgot about the gorilla comment a year earlier. She didn't.
Yesterday we were talking about her experience and she said it wasn't at all like you described it. She said "I was lying on operating table looking at my Dr. (who was a tiny little woman) and wondering how she was going to make it feel like a 300 lb gorilla was jumping on me." I felt about the size of a fly. What? Thanks to me, my friend spent her entire C-Section waiting for a giant gorilla to jump out of a closet somewhere and jump on her!! Mentally, funny. I have always wanted to see a gorilla in scrubs. However, a gorilla in scrubs jumping on my stomach, not so much fun.
I felt horrible. Suddenly, I hate myself. She forgives me. But still, I did the one thing that makes me the most angry. So now I don't complain when I fall prey to crimes against pregnancy, because I am just paying for my crime. However, I am now resolved to never say anything negative about child birth, unless it makes someone laugh.
By the way, in regards to a C-Section.... That is what I am having this time too, because they really aren't a big deal. There is no pain, there is pressure, but not bad. NOTHING TO FEAR!! Don't let all the horror stories scare you. There are no 300lb gorillas lurking in labor and delivery surgical rooms.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One of my favorite things
Friday, February 11, 2011
Oh Man, Already?
Have you ever wondered at what age siblings start fighting? Let me answer that for you... IN THE WOMB!!! Sound crazy? I thought so until last night. I really thought I had awhile. Kyden didn't really try to interact other kids until he was about six months old, so I was supposed to have awhile before I was breaking up the male bonding. NOPE!!
It started out as a sweet moment. Kyden and I were snuggled up on the recliner together reading a book. Kyden loves to be read to. Today I sat in the floor for over an hour reading the same 5 page book to him over and over again. But I digress and apologize. Last night we were reading when suddenly Cameron (due March 14th) kicked really hard right where Kyden was. Hard enough that Kyden, who was sitting back against my stomach lurched forward. The look on his face was hilarious. It was something between outrage and "what the heck was that?" He looked at my stomach for about a second and then slapped my belly. Afterwords, he turned around, readjusted himself so that he wasn't laying against my stomach anymore, pointed at the book, and demanded "read." I am glad to see he gets over it quickly. Meanwhile, I am sitting there in shock at what I had just witnessed. A fight between a 16 month old and an unborn child.
So mark this down, February 10, 2011. 32 days prior to his date of arrival. Cameron and Kyden have already fought. I hope this is not indicative of their future relationship or else we'll be building a MMA fighting cage in our back yard. Whenever the boys get into we'll just send them to the cage. LOL!! My one avowed hope could be that the boys would one day use "Rock em Sock em Robots" to settle their differences. However, the cage could come in handy. If we ever found ourselves short on cash we could sell tickets to view the boys going at it.
In the meanwhile... Pray for me!! That Kyden and my stomach won't have any more altercations.
It started out as a sweet moment. Kyden and I were snuggled up on the recliner together reading a book. Kyden loves to be read to. Today I sat in the floor for over an hour reading the same 5 page book to him over and over again. But I digress and apologize. Last night we were reading when suddenly Cameron (due March 14th) kicked really hard right where Kyden was. Hard enough that Kyden, who was sitting back against my stomach lurched forward. The look on his face was hilarious. It was something between outrage and "what the heck was that?" He looked at my stomach for about a second and then slapped my belly. Afterwords, he turned around, readjusted himself so that he wasn't laying against my stomach anymore, pointed at the book, and demanded "read." I am glad to see he gets over it quickly. Meanwhile, I am sitting there in shock at what I had just witnessed. A fight between a 16 month old and an unborn child.
So mark this down, February 10, 2011. 32 days prior to his date of arrival. Cameron and Kyden have already fought. I hope this is not indicative of their future relationship or else we'll be building a MMA fighting cage in our back yard. Whenever the boys get into we'll just send them to the cage. LOL!! My one avowed hope could be that the boys would one day use "Rock em Sock em Robots" to settle their differences. However, the cage could come in handy. If we ever found ourselves short on cash we could sell tickets to view the boys going at it.
In the meanwhile... Pray for me!! That Kyden and my stomach won't have any more altercations.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Hello World!!! I'm here!!
Hello!!! My name is Liv Parker and you are witnessing my first blogging experience. I generally do not get into blogging, but a recent event, along with "gentle" prodding from husband led me to this point. Let me explain...
I am a self-professed tomboy. I mean the Sportscenter watching, sports playing tomboy. I don't "do" make-up and shopping. I walk into the make up or girlie toy aisles at stores and I sweat. For this reason, when my husband and I found out we were pregnant I really wanted a boy. I was afraid, I would "jack a girl up" (yes I really said that). When I found out with my first, Kyden, that I would be a boy mommy I was ecstatic. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.
Another silly "Liv Fact..." any reference to the male reproductive area and I blush and laugh. I cannot seem to find any word to call "it" that doesn't make me giggle or blush. Clearly, this is going to be a problem with a little boy. The subject is bound to come up so Phil and I have been discussing what word we could use. Kyden is now 16 months old and we can't agree. About two weeks ago I was changing Kyden's diaper and noticed a diaper rash on Kyden's "Wee Wee?" When I pointed it out to my husband I used that term and of course did my typical uncomfortable chuckle and blushed. All of the sudden this precious little voice said "Wee Wee" and laughed. He proceeded to run around the house for an hour repeating the word. Thus "it" has a name now. Like it or not...
At this point, I looked at Phil and said "I may be in WAY over my head." He laughed and pointed out that I should blog/journal of all the crazy stuff that happens. So here we are. I am writing this so that everyone can laugh with me in my crazy (and WONDERFUL) journey that is motherhood.
I am a self-professed tomboy. I mean the Sportscenter watching, sports playing tomboy. I don't "do" make-up and shopping. I walk into the make up or girlie toy aisles at stores and I sweat. For this reason, when my husband and I found out we were pregnant I really wanted a boy. I was afraid, I would "jack a girl up" (yes I really said that). When I found out with my first, Kyden, that I would be a boy mommy I was ecstatic. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.
Another silly "Liv Fact..." any reference to the male reproductive area and I blush and laugh. I cannot seem to find any word to call "it" that doesn't make me giggle or blush. Clearly, this is going to be a problem with a little boy. The subject is bound to come up so Phil and I have been discussing what word we could use. Kyden is now 16 months old and we can't agree. About two weeks ago I was changing Kyden's diaper and noticed a diaper rash on Kyden's "Wee Wee?" When I pointed it out to my husband I used that term and of course did my typical uncomfortable chuckle and blushed. All of the sudden this precious little voice said "Wee Wee" and laughed. He proceeded to run around the house for an hour repeating the word. Thus "it" has a name now. Like it or not...
At this point, I looked at Phil and said "I may be in WAY over my head." He laughed and pointed out that I should blog/journal of all the crazy stuff that happens. So here we are. I am writing this so that everyone can laugh with me in my crazy (and WONDERFUL) journey that is motherhood.
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